Colors

Could Ordinary Look Over Rated Someday?

A little bit of my story =)

My name is Jessica

I am crazy, I am Unique, I am random, I am stupid, and I don’t always make sense.

I am the sister of Lauren love and Elizabeth love.

I love life, I love to read, I love my family, I love god.

I feel the need to be close to god, I feel the love from my friends and family.

I give love to all I trust, give attention to those who deserve it.

I fear snakes, spiders, frogs and the people I love getting hurt.

I would like to see the world come together and for everyone to love each other and to see we are all the same.

Who shares love with the world and my time with those I care about.

 I am one of a kind, I am me.

Deal with it!

A life changing storm

A rainy Saturday morning

-Door bell rings-

Ugh someone is here and i am not expecting any one, I am just going to look out the peep hole. I look out and see a bible in his hands Oh no it’s a bible thumping missionary! I open the door to get rid of him but before i get a word in he starts talking "hi ma’am i hope i am not bothering you but i would like to talk with you about god and what you mean to him" and just as i am about to say sorry I’m not interested and get rid of him i hear the tornado sirens going off ah crap i am not a bad person i just don't believe in god (any god at all) "Honestly I don't want to have this conversation at all but i can't just send you off into a bad storm I guess you can come in and sit in my basement with me for safety but none of this god stuff ok?" he nods and comes in side I run and get some stuff to make coffee because i thankfully have a coffee pot down in the basement " would you mind getting some blankets out of that closet” I say pointing to the linens closet. As we head down stairs I say “hopefully this storm lets up soon so you can get home” He smiles and says “god has his purpose for me”  I groan and say “I said no god stuff I am an atheist I don’t believe in god nor do I want to” we get down stairs and he says “that’s ok how about we talk about you” I raise an eyebrow  “I have never got a chance to talk to an atheist before to understand how they got to believing in nothing” I just shrugged,  “have you ever attended church before?“ I nod and say “yes when I was younger I went from birth until I was 10” He nods and says, “Did anything significant happen to make you not be able to or want to go?” I swallow and say “that was the year my parents divorced my dad went to California with his friend and mom started working a lot and when she wasn’t working she was out doing various other bad things and I had to take care of my two younger siblings” why does this man care? “oh I am sorry about that”  I just shrug “it was a long time ago”  After taking a sip of coffee he says “ before everything happened did you like going to church” I shrug “ yeah I guess so the service was a little boring but after was Sunday school and we always had snacks and played games and then went out to eat as a family it was the only day we ever spent together” I sigh and say “ but it was also one Sunday instead of my mom wakening me up for church like usual I wake up to screaming and the door slamming and that was the day my parents separated”  He nods and says, “I see so was that previous Sunday the last time you went to church?” I shake my head no “I tried to go again in after college and it was fine for a month or two but then my mom and dad both died a week apart” He didn’t even look shocked “ok did you go after that?”  Again I nodded “yes one other time I had just got engaged and he was a Christian so I went with him and when the service had about ten minutes left he went to the bathroom after service I went to go check on him and he is walking out of the men’s giving a girl a kiss” I shook my head in disgust “needless to say I ended the relationship and it was the last time I went to church” he nods “ sounds like you have a lot of bad memories connected to church” I just give him a look  that said nah duh Sherlock "can i tell you a story about a book I have read?" I just shrug "Ok The entire Book of Job is one of the most uncomfortable lessons the Bible teaches, namely that God is in charge, what he says goes, and there is absolutely nothing any one of us can do about it, that we have precisely zero right to question him, zero authority, zero power to stop him. In this case, God takes it away on a bet with Satan, who walks into Heaven one day with the other angels. This is after the war in Heaven. It is God who baits Satan into a bet God knows he will win, that Job is the finest, godliest man on Earth and will never curse God. Satan argues that Job lives the sweet life, so God allows Satan to take away all Job’s treasured possessions, even his children. His flocks and property are stolen by surrounding enemies, and his children are all crushed to death by a wind that collapses their house.” I gasp in surprise “but Job refuses to curse God. So God rubs it in Satan’s face, knowing full well that Satan will simply raise the stakes. Then God allows him to torture Job’s body all over with boils and sores, but not to kill him. This is all in the first 2 chapters. Most of the rest of the Book is a lengthy rant by Job, interrupted by arguments from his friends against judging God. Job never once curses God, but demands an explanation from God and asks over and over, ‘Why has he done this to me?!’” I interrupt him and say “I know exactly how he feels does he ever get the answer?” he smiles and says “From chapters 38 to 42, God finally shows up and answers Job out of a storm, ‘Who is this who darkens my counsel with words that have no knowledge? Gird up your loins like a man. Now I will question you, and you will answer me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Answer me, if you even understand how.’ God explains to Job in a long diatribe that God created everything in existence, including Job, and does not have to abide by the rules, since he created the rules. His primary point is that Job, with his feeble, finite mind, cannot possibly comprehend the first thing about what is right or good or true, under God, that God alone comprehends righteousness, goodness, and truth, and that man must do as God commands. In the end, since Job never actually cursed God, God rewards his faith and obedience by giving him twice as much of everything as he had before, and blessing him and his wife with 3 daughters and 7 sons, the same number as before. But God never gives Job (or us) an explanation for why he would allow bad things to happen to good people. The only reasonable answer is quite scary: the only reason you woke alive this morning and are still breathing is because of God’s beneficent mercy, a mercy he can take away at a whim.” I was in awe “so basically you’re saying that god has just been testing me and he has had a plan for me all along?” He smiles and nods “Now only god knows the exact details of his plan for you but one day you will understand why it is that you went through these experiences” I smile and that’s when I notice that the storm has stopped, “ how long has the storm been over?” He laughs and says “about half way through my story” I smile and get his churches information. Wow Maybe the missionary was right there is a god and he definitely has a plan for me.

Mothers day note

Mom you have always been

There for me I have cried

And you were my shoulder to

Cry on, when I was happy

You were the one I laughed with

You’re the one I talked to

You’re the person I asked for advice

You’re the person that held me up

When I could not stand on my own,

             And now that I’m about to Go to college                   

  I will miss you And know that

When I am sad I will still call you

When I’m happy I will think of you

And mommy I will always love you!