I am

I am crazy, I am Unique, I am random, I am stupid, and I don’t always make sense. I am the sister of Lauren love and Elizabeth love. I love life, I love to read, I love my family, I love god, .I feel the need to be close to god, I feel the love from my friends and family. I give love to all I trust, give attention to those who deserve it. I fear snakes, spiders, frogs and the people I love getting hurt. I would like to see the world come together and for everyone to love each other and to see we are all the same. Who shares love with the world and my time with those I care about. I am one of a kind, I am me. Deal with it!

just wait

A lot of people try to rush things and sometimes you have to realize that good things come to those that wait. but if you rush it you might not like the outcome.

stand

You must stand for something or you will fall for anything.

America

America

     is

     a

Magnificent

Exciting

   and 

Really

Important

Country

Alive

God

Great         

Observant 

Dad            

Lunch with the Devil

“Jessica?” says a really deep voice.

I turn around slowly and the man is good looking. “Who are you and how do you know my name???”  He smiles a creepy smile “I have many names Devil, Evil one, Destroyer, Prince of Darkness, Number of the Beast, Antichrist, Lord of the underworld, Lord of Hell, Hades, Beelzebub, Beast, Lucifer, and many others” He says sticking out his hand I start backing away wanting to tell him to prove it but I was to afraid that he could. He laugh’s and says “I can prove it” he holds out an Ipad and on it is pictures of every bad thing I have ever done. Oh my God! He laughs and says “not quiet and lets not bring the g-word into this” Hmm he doesn’t like the word god imagine that I smirk and think god, god, god, god and oh yeah god! He rolls his eyes, “is that really necessary?”  I smile “that will teach you to get in my head” I laugh and say “what do you want from me? Why don’t you do what is good for you I am a Christian and there is nothing you can do about it!” he smiles “I have a deal for you but before I tell you how about we sit down and eat while we talk” I glare at him as I say, “and why should I listen to you let alone go any where with you?’’ He smiles “well two reasons one it’s a free meal and the second one is about your paw paw but to hear more you will have to come and eat” I start getting angrier as he heads to the door I follow him as I yell “keep his name out of your mouth!” he smiles and turns around walking backwards and says “only if you agree to listen to me!” then he turns around and walks to a table. He holds out a chair and says “Joe…” before he could finish I say “fine!” and sit down in the other chair. He laughs and sits down as he waves the waiter over. Then he orders and I look at the menu and I order the most expensive but good tasting and easily transportable meal. “ok tell me what it is that you want from me so I can get out of here” he smiles “Are all of his followers this feisty?” he laughs “ Ok so I have a deal for you that you won’t want to refuse” I raise my eye brow “yeah sure you do” I laugh.  He smirks as he starts “I am going to give you your paw paw back completely cancer free and no one will ever remember he was gone” I try not to show that I would really want this as I say “what’s the catch?” he smiles and says “I knew you would ask that you only have to do me a little favor”  I knew there  was a punch line “and what would this favor be?” he looks at me and says “You must take another’s life and don’t worry there will be no legal consequences to you” kill some one? He tilts his head “well he is on the brink of death any ways” I stare at him shocked “or you could choose for him to live for another 15 years and you have to live for 60 more years before you die and get to see your paw paw again” he then stands up “I am going to go to the bathroom you have until I get back to decide” and he simply walks away. I don’t know what I am going to do I would love to have my paw paw back to have had him at my graduation and to some day have him at my wedding it would be the best thing in the world! But I could never kill some one and have there family live with out them forever. Then again if I choose the second option they would get more time with him the same thing I wish I could have if I bring my paw paw back. But how would he and everyone else feel he is probably happy where he is and this other man’s family would be so happy to have him live. God what do? I know what I want to do but I also know what I should do. Part of me wants my paw paw back but part of me says why should I let some one else’s family go through what I went through 3 years ago? But I really miss my paw paw and I would give anything to see him again! Then in that moment I know what I must do even though I would love to see him again but I would hate for someone else to feel the way I do now when they could have more time with their love one. As soon as I finish the thought the devil comes out I see you have decided. I nod “I choose the second option I don’t want the other family to go through what I have went through it wouldn’t be right” he nods slowly. Then he says clearly like he wasn’t talking to me “you were right she chose to save another’s instead of having him back” then I look around and I am not in the restaurant anymore I am in what looks like a  really comfortable room with a view of the ocean. As I admire the view I hear a voice behind me “I knew she would make the right choice” the voice was so comforting and familiar it felt like coming home from a really long trip. I turn around and stare in awe the man in front of me to incredible for me to think of the right words to describe. I look at him and say “are you who I think you are?” I am standing there so blown away I don’t know what to do. He smiles and says “yes I am Jessica” I just stare at him partly because I am afraid that if I look away he will disappear and partly because I don’t know what I am supposed to do or say. He smiles “you have already done exactly what I wanted you to do” he walks and sits down on a really comfy looking couch  “come and sit down daughter I want to talk to you” I walk shyly to the couch and sit down still facing him. I smile not sure how to address him when all of a sudden it just comes out of my mouth “Yes father I am listening” he smiles “You have had a pretty interesting afternoon huh” I nod “well that deal you made was pretty real the only difference is he can’t affect how long you will live but you did change what would happen to one man” I nod again “would you like to see him?” I smile and say “Yes sir I would” He smiles and holds up a remote and a TV pops up and I see a man sitting with the doctors and the family and the doctor is saying “I am not sure how but your cancer is gone and your body is fully healthy and you will probably live for many more years” then the doctor turns and walks out. The man starts crying and whispers “thank you god for giving me more time” and I can’t help it I start crying and so does his family all happy tears “then all of a sudden he says “would ya’ll mind leaving me alone a minuet I would like a private moment to myself” they all get up and leave and then all of a sudden god turns off the TV and the man is standing in the room dressed in normal cloths instead of a night gown and he says “what am I doing here? Where am i? Who are you people?” God smiles and says “I have someone I would like you to meet, and there are many names for where you are, and I am god” the man tilts his head not sure. God then says “You know how you were just told that you would live and you were cancer free?” the man nods and says, “yeah and the doctors couldn’t explain it yesterday I was on the brink of death and today I am as healthy as a horse!” God laughs and says “I can explain it “god points to a nearby chair and the man sits down in it. “I gave this young lady a choice to have her grandfather back and have you let go or wait to see her grandfather again until after she dies and let you live for many more years and she chose the second option as you can tell” He stared at us in awe “but why? I am some random man she doesn’t even know and she chooses me to live over her own family?” god smiles and looks at me. I smile and say “I lost him 3 years ago and yes I miss him terribly but I know he is happy where he is and I don’t want another family going what I went through and am still going through if I could give them more time with you” He gets up and comes and hugs me so tight and says “thank you so much” over and over again god smiles and says “it’s time for you return to your family I have one more thing to talk to her about” the man nods and all of a sudden he is gone. I turn to god and say “I made him so happy I know I made the right decision even though I won’t get to see my paw paw” god nods and smiles “well that’s not entirely true” and the a door I hadn’t even noticed opens and there is my paw paw standing there. I start crying and cover my mouth in surprise he walks over to me totally at peace and I stand up as he gets to me and I hug him tight and say, “I love you paw paw and I have missed you so much!” I still haven’t stopped hugging him and he says “I love you to and I have missed you as well but its ok to let go even if you can’t see me I will always be there” I release him and I notice I am still crying and he says “Its ok baby doll” and just hearing him say it makes me cry even more. He takes my hand and we both walk out on to the balcony and sit down on a porch swing which I hadn’t noticed before “I saw what you did today and Jessica I am so proud of you” he smiles his goofy smile and says “not only for your decision you made today but also for you graduating high school and choosing to go to college and for becoming a wonderful young woman” I start crying again because that is everything I had ever wanted to hear from him. “I love you so much and I always will” he pauses and says “who loves paw paw!” really loud with a big smile on his face and me still crying I raise my hand real high and say “me!” He smiles and says “well honey it’s time for me to go back where I belong and I will see you again one day” he hugs me and says “I love you” and then I smile and say “I love you to paw paw” and then I let him go and he walks through the door he had just came out of. I turn around and just stare at the ocean and take a breath and sigh. Then gods with me again “Now it’s time for you to go home and I want you to know even if it doesn’t seem like it I have great plans for you and your life”        

Colors

Could Ordinary Look Over Rated Someday?

A little bit of my story =)

My name is Jessica

I am crazy, I am Unique, I am random, I am stupid, and I don’t always make sense.

I am the sister of Lauren love and Elizabeth love.

I love life, I love to read, I love my family, I love god.

I feel the need to be close to god, I feel the love from my friends and family.

I give love to all I trust, give attention to those who deserve it.

I fear snakes, spiders, frogs and the people I love getting hurt.

I would like to see the world come together and for everyone to love each other and to see we are all the same.

Who shares love with the world and my time with those I care about.

 I am one of a kind, I am me.

Deal with it!

A life changing storm

A rainy Saturday morning

-Door bell rings-

Ugh someone is here and i am not expecting any one, I am just going to look out the peep hole. I look out and see a bible in his hands Oh no it’s a bible thumping missionary! I open the door to get rid of him but before i get a word in he starts talking "hi ma’am i hope i am not bothering you but i would like to talk with you about god and what you mean to him" and just as i am about to say sorry I’m not interested and get rid of him i hear the tornado sirens going off ah crap i am not a bad person i just don't believe in god (any god at all) "Honestly I don't want to have this conversation at all but i can't just send you off into a bad storm I guess you can come in and sit in my basement with me for safety but none of this god stuff ok?" he nods and comes in side I run and get some stuff to make coffee because i thankfully have a coffee pot down in the basement " would you mind getting some blankets out of that closet” I say pointing to the linens closet. As we head down stairs I say “hopefully this storm lets up soon so you can get home” He smiles and says “god has his purpose for me”  I groan and say “I said no god stuff I am an atheist I don’t believe in god nor do I want to” we get down stairs and he says “that’s ok how about we talk about you” I raise an eyebrow  “I have never got a chance to talk to an atheist before to understand how they got to believing in nothing” I just shrugged,  “have you ever attended church before?“ I nod and say “yes when I was younger I went from birth until I was 10” He nods and says, “Did anything significant happen to make you not be able to or want to go?” I swallow and say “that was the year my parents divorced my dad went to California with his friend and mom started working a lot and when she wasn’t working she was out doing various other bad things and I had to take care of my two younger siblings” why does this man care? “oh I am sorry about that”  I just shrug “it was a long time ago”  After taking a sip of coffee he says “ before everything happened did you like going to church” I shrug “ yeah I guess so the service was a little boring but after was Sunday school and we always had snacks and played games and then went out to eat as a family it was the only day we ever spent together” I sigh and say “ but it was also one Sunday instead of my mom wakening me up for church like usual I wake up to screaming and the door slamming and that was the day my parents separated”  He nods and says, “I see so was that previous Sunday the last time you went to church?” I shake my head no “I tried to go again in after college and it was fine for a month or two but then my mom and dad both died a week apart” He didn’t even look shocked “ok did you go after that?”  Again I nodded “yes one other time I had just got engaged and he was a Christian so I went with him and when the service had about ten minutes left he went to the bathroom after service I went to go check on him and he is walking out of the men’s giving a girl a kiss” I shook my head in disgust “needless to say I ended the relationship and it was the last time I went to church” he nods “ sounds like you have a lot of bad memories connected to church” I just give him a look  that said nah duh Sherlock "can i tell you a story about a book I have read?" I just shrug "Ok The entire Book of Job is one of the most uncomfortable lessons the Bible teaches, namely that God is in charge, what he says goes, and there is absolutely nothing any one of us can do about it, that we have precisely zero right to question him, zero authority, zero power to stop him. In this case, God takes it away on a bet with Satan, who walks into Heaven one day with the other angels. This is after the war in Heaven. It is God who baits Satan into a bet God knows he will win, that Job is the finest, godliest man on Earth and will never curse God. Satan argues that Job lives the sweet life, so God allows Satan to take away all Job’s treasured possessions, even his children. His flocks and property are stolen by surrounding enemies, and his children are all crushed to death by a wind that collapses their house.” I gasp in surprise “but Job refuses to curse God. So God rubs it in Satan’s face, knowing full well that Satan will simply raise the stakes. Then God allows him to torture Job’s body all over with boils and sores, but not to kill him. This is all in the first 2 chapters. Most of the rest of the Book is a lengthy rant by Job, interrupted by arguments from his friends against judging God. Job never once curses God, but demands an explanation from God and asks over and over, ‘Why has he done this to me?!’” I interrupt him and say “I know exactly how he feels does he ever get the answer?” he smiles and says “From chapters 38 to 42, God finally shows up and answers Job out of a storm, ‘Who is this who darkens my counsel with words that have no knowledge? Gird up your loins like a man. Now I will question you, and you will answer me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Answer me, if you even understand how.’ God explains to Job in a long diatribe that God created everything in existence, including Job, and does not have to abide by the rules, since he created the rules. His primary point is that Job, with his feeble, finite mind, cannot possibly comprehend the first thing about what is right or good or true, under God, that God alone comprehends righteousness, goodness, and truth, and that man must do as God commands. In the end, since Job never actually cursed God, God rewards his faith and obedience by giving him twice as much of everything as he had before, and blessing him and his wife with 3 daughters and 7 sons, the same number as before. But God never gives Job (or us) an explanation for why he would allow bad things to happen to good people. The only reasonable answer is quite scary: the only reason you woke alive this morning and are still breathing is because of God’s beneficent mercy, a mercy he can take away at a whim.” I was in awe “so basically you’re saying that god has just been testing me and he has had a plan for me all along?” He smiles and nods “Now only god knows the exact details of his plan for you but one day you will understand why it is that you went through these experiences” I smile and that’s when I notice that the storm has stopped, “ how long has the storm been over?” He laughs and says “about half way through my story” I smile and get his churches information. Wow Maybe the missionary was right there is a god and he definitely has a plan for me.

Mothers day note

Mom you have always been

There for me I have cried

And you were my shoulder to

Cry on, when I was happy

You were the one I laughed with

You’re the one I talked to

You’re the person I asked for advice

You’re the person that held me up

When I could not stand on my own,

             And now that I’m about to Go to college                   

  I will miss you And know that

When I am sad I will still call you

When I’m happy I will think of you

And mommy I will always love you!